Friendship

A couple of weeks ago a man in the neighborhood passed away. He was young and had a wife and two sons that loved him very much. My son was already friends with his older son.

The older son started going to church with us after vacation bible school was over with. We text ahead and stop by to pick him up. He's a sweet kid. I try not to feel sorry for him and instead try to make his time with us fun.

But that's not what I am writing about.

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Friendship, you think you are friends with people and you're probably not. More often than not you are a prop in the backdrop of their lives. You would be surprised at how little people think of you.

In real life I have a couple of real friends, two that I see often enough. A couple of others I haven't seen for years, but we were in the army together and some bonds don't break. I tend to keep to myself when I'm not online. I'm just that way.

Some people need others to make themselves feel like they're worth something, that they are worthy of the attention given them. Or is it the other way around and people want to feel like they're doing someone else a favor by hanging out with them?

I guess it's both.

I've never been one to worry too much about what people think. I truly believe that if you are meant to be someones friend you just are. There are no requirements. It just happens.

And sometimes it just ends.

I've seen several people part ways in friendships this week. The ones that I am friends with are taking it hard. Some realize where they have failed, some have no idea what happened. Some know exactly what happened and are, again, extremely disappointed with the results of the work it takes to make a bond with someone, a real friendship, being thrown away. Some of these "breakups" have been helped along by other people.

I just don't get when someone offers friendship and another person doesn't take the time and the care to tend that after it has been accepted. It's not that hard. You listen, you commiserate, you share in joy as well as despair. That's part of what friendship is. That's probably the most important part, the sharing of the thing.

I am glad that I am not one of the ones suffering this week. The few friendships that I maintain are strong. With two kids and a wife I don't have time for many other things in life. My wife is my best friend. That's that. She shares in everything that happens to me by default.

The word for today is acquaintance. 

Noun 1. A person known to one, but not usually a close friend.

Check out your online life and even the people you've met because of those online relationships. It could be because of a game. I've been lucky with a few. I met +Wally Turbeville because of a game. (See geocaching) We meet on and off for breakfast and have an hour or so to sit and chat and have a little fellowship. We are comfortable with each other. It has taken years but I count Wally as a true friend. I am comfortable around him. I am comfortable with my children around him. Wally is comfortable enough with me to entrust personal things about himself and I am with him. That's a friendship. He gives me guidance in things he has already learned, I give him guidance in newer things. It's a give and take but there is more give than take.

Then there's Walters. Oh, man.

I met +Jason Walters through Google+. Actually I circled his wife Lee and he warned her against me cause "you don't know what kind of freaks are out there" and "that guy has a camera". But it wasn't long before he succumbed to my charm and we met up for lunch one day. I think it's actually been a little over a year since that first meet up and we actually became real friends. Really quick. He confides in me. And I him. I am honored that he would do so given the short time we have known each other. (Sometimes being someone's friend is meant to be. See above.)

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But Sam, my son, and his friend Gabe, they don't have the worries we do. They're just friends. They see each other and each lights up. They don't have that problem with hugging each other that men do or with grabbing each others hands. There's no guy rules here. 

They're just friends.

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Today I had to go to a funeral here in town. One of the members of our church, his mother passed away. I've known him most of his life. His little girl is also a friend of my sons.

I went through the line after the ceremony to pay my respects to the family. I admit that I was mostly there for her. She's six. But she is the sweetest little girl and she makes me laugh. We find each other on Sundays at church and goof around. 

She looked up and saw me and asked, "What are you doing here?"

I responded, "I came to make sure my friend was okay. And to pay respects to her Grandma."

She said, "You mean me!"

She's my friend. She might be six and I might be forty-six but friends is friends. 

And friends we are.

People fall away in life. You aren't on the same path. I'm not saying your path is any better than anyone else's. But I'm not saying it's worse. Only you can make that choice. Where you are in life determines who you are and who's with you. 

I've been pretty lucky. I've done things I'm not proud of. But I've come back. And I can't really blame anyone but myself. But I can pat myself on the back for being able to choose those I allow to be in my life.

And, like Frost said, that has made all the difference.